Well guys, I am crushing hard. I will get over it, I am sure, but this guy is pretty awesome. I kinda love being around him. Ah, well. That is life, isn't it? You find a guy you like, then realize there is no way he will ever be with you. For instance, this one is a good bit older than me. He wouldn't possibly be interested in me. I am too young. He is a sweet guy. Very intelligent. I realize why I like older men. They have wisdom to offer. Things to teach me. I can learn so much from them.
I wish I had something to offer him. Some reason for him to be interested in me as well. Unfortunately, I am just a young girl with a pretty face. I am not good at anything, really, and my features aren't even all that beautiful, just mildly pretty. One of these days, I will be truly desirable to someone. He will love me with all his heart, and I will honor and obey him in all of my actions and thoughts. I will gladly serve him as a godly wife should.
But where does one find such a man? Will God provide for me in this area? I know that I have a desire to be wed, but I am a woman. I am at the mercy of whomever finds me attractive. I cannot ask a man out. I am very old-fashioned that way. So I wait for the day when I am chosen by a man I, too, can care for. I have been asked by a few men who simply couldn't interest me, and I politely refused them. I cannot, however, wait forever.
This is getting difficult. Every time I think I am making progress, I fail. I will just have to see if I can get the gentleman I am interested in to see me for who I am. I am not the blathering idiot I seem to make him think I am every time we talk. (I have an infuriating habit of getting quite tongue-tied when speaking to this particular gentleman.) I have asked the Lord to hear me on this, and either bring us together if we are to be together, or to take us apart if we are to be apart, but either way to do so quickly. Since praying that, we have spent quite a bit of time together. Almost daily, in fact. I am not a patient woman (one thing I am working on), but I have the tenacity to wait for whatever I need to wait for.
If the Lord wills this man for me, he will be mine. If not, no amount of worrying will change it, and whomever the Lord does choose will be even better suited to me. I cannot complain. I have the joy of the Lord in my soul. This world will pass away, along with all the things in it, but I do wish to experience the joy of a marriage and a family and having a home. There will be trials, but to raise little soldiers for the Lord...what an honor that would be for me and my husband.
That brings me to another point. Another reason I am interested in this man is his absolute fire and passion for Christ. He genuinely WANTS to serve him every second of every day. That kind of fire is contagious. :)